Wednesday, February 8, 2012


life through the lens

Currently, I'm in a state of waiting.

I'm waiting for a new job, I'm waiting to become a wife, I'm waiting for artistic genius to strike my soul, and I'm waiting to find out that I'm actually related to some monarch of a small foreign country and am next in line to the throne. (Unfortunately, that last one is more an outlandish fantasy that was inspired by The Princess Diaries and has been shyly growing in anticipation since middle school. A girl can dream, though, right? It could, maybe, happen!)

The worst part about waiting, though, isn't the actual waiting. I'm a patient person. I can be on hold for an hour and still happily sing along to the dreadful mall music coming through my telephone.  No, I'm fine with waiting. It's the uncertainty that comes along with it.

While waiting, all these horrible questions begin to pop up. I wonder if I'll like that new job and if I'll be a good wife and if I'll ever want to sit down and write a short story again. What if these things I've been waiting for don't meet my expectations? What if, once these beautiful things are finally given to me, I screw up or don't appreciate them properly or ten million other awful things I could think up?

After several minutes of severe panic and depression, however, I stop myself. What good could come of this worrying? Though I like to pretend I'm in control of everything, I'm not. Worrying won't change this.

Even though nobody really likes to be in a state of waiting, I'm learning that it's the perfect time to prepare. Though the real joy comes after the baby is born, pregnancy is the perfect time to read those parenting books. Though welcoming your daughter home after a summer away is what you long for, you can bake her favorite cake and fill her room with balloons while she's gone.

As I'm saying this, though, I don't want to lull myself into a false sense of security. I can't prepare for everything. I just can't!  I'm not urging preparation because then nothing will go wrong, I'm just saying that it's a far better alternative to lying in bed wondering if the sun will even rise in the morning.

It's also comforting to remember that this is just a season. One day the waiting will be over and the things I desire will be knocking at my door. Currently these things seem lightyears away, but I know that, in their own time, they will come.

How do you keep calm in a state of waiting? What's your advice?

Love, Alli

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