So, it's time to be honest. I actually hate the coming of a new year.
Yes, I tried to optimistic in my last post. I discussed my new outlook on resolutions and my eagerness to start a new chapter. Even when I was typing those words, however, I was depressed.
I'm unusual, to say the least. I acknowledge it. Generally, the start of a new year brings me anxiety. Instead of looking at the blank squares of my calendar with a desire to ink in new adventures and destinations, I only see endless opportunities I could eventually mess-up. They were white spaces that might be filled with disaster and sorrow.
Horrible, right? If I heard any of my friends express this, I'd probably tear up a bit, buy them a cup of coffee, and enwrap them in a ginormous bear hug. For some reason or other, though, it seems perfectly fine for me to feel this way.
Well, that was until a couple of days ago.
I've been reading Donald Miller's A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, and it is amazing. Basically he tells us that everyone is living a story. Unfortunately, most Americans' stories revolve around saving up money for the things they can't afford and don't really need. He urges his reader to turn off the TV and to start creating interesting stories, to take chances. He reminds us to not be afraid of conflict, for that's when characters grow and learn to become who they ought to be.
This was all great, except, I didn't really know what to do with this new knowledge. How exactly do I apply it to my own life? If I didn't succeed in creating an "interesting story" wouldn't I only end up disappointing myself even more? I didn't want to prove my pessimistic thinkings to be true; or did I? Why would I even want to take a chance?
Recently, a very wise guy shared a Biblical truth I've heard a million times in a different and brilliant way. He said that God loves me. This much I know. He then went on to say that God isn't like a CEO. He isn't sitting behind some obscenely large mahogany desk expecting me to do such and such at a specific time.
Instead, He is my heavenly Father wanting to take me on a journey. He wants me to finally step off the platform and onto the train. He wants me to not worry so much about our destination, but to take in the scenery and, hopefully, learn something about Him.
It's like Miller said, a person wouldn't read a novel if it was just the conclusion. Nobody would care. It's in the middle, the conflict, the turmoil, where the action happens. This is where the character develops, learns.
Yes, 2012 may not unfold perfectly; as a matter of fact, it absolutely won't. But, I'm not on this journey alone.