Thursday, May 5, 2011
Let The Thrill Die
That is, I think, one little part of what Christ meant by saying that a thing will not really live unless it first dies. It is simply no good trying to keep any thrill: that is the very worst thing you can do. Let the thrill go - let it die away - go on through that period of death into the quieter interest and happiness that follow - and you will find you are living in a world of new thrills all the time. But if you decide to make thrills your regular diet and try to prolong them artificially, they will all get weaker and weaker, and fewer and fewer, and you will be a bored, disillusioned old man for the rest of your life. It is because so few people understand this that you may find many middle-aged men and women maundering about their lost youth, at the very age when new horizons ought to be appearing and new doors opening all round them. It is much better fun to learn to swim than to go on endlessly (and hopelessly) trying to get back the feeling you had when you first went paddling as a small boy."
- Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis
I feel like I live in fear of thrills. I always want to be in a place where everything feels comfortable and familiar. I don't like change; I never have. At this tumultuous time of life I'm yearning for my mother's lap and her sweet voice softly singing "You Are My Sunshine."
That doesn't mean, however, that these words of C.S. Lewis don't apply to me. Actually, they gave me a sucker punch straight to the gut. I am that woman "maundering about [my] lost youth" when new opportunities are around every corner. Instead of allowing these new thrills into my life and molding them into my daily routine I'm running away. Mr. Lewis's words, though, helped me realize that this longing for the past will never let me grow.
As much as I want to try "to get back the feeling [I] had when [I] first went paddling," it's time to take the next step and move on. For me personally, the thrill is scary, but one day the thrill will die. So, whether you live in search of the thrill or, like me, run from it, I encourage you to take heed of Lewis's words. Holding onto something may prevent you from discovering your "gardening."